I need your advice.
My ex is making accusations. I’m photographing the kids before each supervised visit, keeping up with reports from the supervisors, and being brief and matter-of-fact with him (not engaging in arguing).
What else do you recommend?
I was thinking of creating a PRIVATE blog site for the purpose of a journal/photo record of how things go. Can anyone think of a problem in doing that? The only viewers would be the doctor and my lawyer. It would later serve as a body of evidence, should I need that defense.
Thoughts?
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June 27, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Bio Mom
I have and am still going through these issues. My advice is to document, document, document. I am not a big believer in the private blog because typed out documentation in a binder, complete with pictures and dates is sufficient. I document every phone call, I take someone with me to any and all dropoffs so that the conversation can be witnessed and I save every e-mail exchange. It is truly a shame that so much time has to spent on things like this when it could be better put to use somewhere else. I document how the children are when they leave my house and I document what condition (physically and mentally) they are in when they come home.
June 27, 2008 at 7:53 pm
-d
My suggestion is not to set up a private blog. Instead, do a paper trail. Get a calendar where you log everything. Not just about the ex… EVERYTHING.
“Bobby came home from school with skinned knee. Fell on the swings.”
“Bobby received phone call from the ex. Afterwards, Bobby seemed happy.” (Do not document that you heard or are listening to the phone call. That is a BIG BIG no-no. I try to leave the room if the kids don’t leave on their own.)
“Bobby did not want to go to the visitation. He was busy playing with friends when it was time to go.” or “Bobby did not want to go to the visitation; I saw no visual reasons why he wouldn’t want to go.” Don’t assume you know know why Bobby didn’t want to go; unless he voices it to you.
Most importantly, try to keep the emotion out of your calendar. While it is completely understanding, it will NOT benefit you in court.
Lastly, I don’t know the accusations that he’s making but this is the BEST advice I ever got going through my custody / battles with THE EX.
“Just because he says it… doesn’t make true.”
- d
July 29, 2008 at 7:07 pm
blue bamboo
I second everything Dana wrote, and agree with BioMom as well, especially her point about having company when doing drop offs and pick ups. Document, document, document. Document every single scrape, scratch, headache, bruise that your children get over the course of being, well, children. Every single child out there gets banged up, just make sure that you write every thing down.
I use excel, well, I used to use excel to track the kids when they still had visitation with their mother. I had seperate columns for normal kid injuries, emotional states, words they used to describe their mother’s house and behavior. I also checked on them when they bathed after returning home, just to scan for injuries. We took a lot of pictures too.
I would also end all verbal communication with your ex, and instead ask for email contact only. If I am correct, your emotional health and sanity might be best served by simply not speaking to him. With email trails, dates, times, and agreements are tracked, and can be used in court.